Life and Afterlife Coaching: “Should I Have Any Regrets?”

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On tonight’s episode, we talked about what we regret the most when it comes to love. We’re often told to “have no regrets”, and if we take some risks and follow our hearts, chances are, we’ll have very few. But we all make mistakes, and that’s how we learn, grow, change, and hopefully evolve into a wiser version of ourselves. Regret does serve a purpose, as do many somewhat uncomfortable human tendencies, such as guilt (makes us responsible and accountable for our actions), fear (a survival mechanism), and anger (helps us know when we need to create boundaries). One advantage of regret is that we are being given a reminder of what we don’t want to do in the future so that we do not repeat our mistakes again. Remorse can offer us insight into how we can do things differently in the future. We can also use our regrets to make amends to the people we have rejected and hurt in the past by behaving with acceptance and love toward others in the future. Regret over the past can also help us to appreciate the people we still have in our life, and by doing so, hopefully deepen that relationship to a new level of understanding.

Regrets can also serve as a reminder of what we’d still like to accomplish. It can be like a wake up call, reminding us to cherish what and whom we still do have in our lives. Evaluating the past can give us perspective on the present and can be useful in small doses. It becomes a problem when our disappointments linger for too long and take us out of the present moment. If we spend too long regretting the past, we might miss out on being with the people we love in this moment, which could give us even more to regret in the future. By accepting the present, we also accept the past, because we wouldn’t be in this very moment without every event that preceded it. If you find yourself bemoaning the choices you’ve made in the past, try these simple techniques to put you on a path to a brighter future where learning from your mistakes can earn you a better life:

*Write a gratitude list of the positive things you’re enjoying today to bring you into the present moment and help you focus on what you love about where you’re at in your life.

*Use the regret to create something new: write a poem or a song, sketch something, start or volunteer for a humanitarian organisation, or revive a friendship with someone you haven’t talked to in a while.

*Be honest with yourself about your feelings and share them with people you trust and love. By opening up those vulnerable parts of  yourself, you can become closer to those who are still in your life.

*Transform your “what ifs” about the past into “what ifs” about the future.*Remind yourself that by letting go of regrets, you are more free to love yourself as you are and as you have been, and self-love is a certain path to loving others in the future.

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”

-George Eliot