Dear Kyra,
I’ve been seeing this guy exclusively for 5 months and we always have such an amazing time together. Our souls feel connected and our chemistry is fantastic. And then he started limiting his visits to once a week which has put me a bit on edge and yesterday he said he doesn’t want to be emotionally involved and doesn’t want anyone to get hurt and he can’t give me what I need, he has too much going on with work, etc…and he wants me to move on. Am I the only one that feels the perfect connection that we have? How does he really feel about me and where do I go from here? Because he said he still wants to stay friends and hang out sometimes but I can’t imagine just being his friend…
Lost in Love, CA
b. December 28th, 1983
Dear Lost in Love,
With your Venus in Scorpio and his Venus in Capricorn, you may experience intense feelings in relationships, whereas he will project more of a cool and calm character. He does not tend to show as much of an outward degree of affection in his romantic life. However, he does have Jupiter and Saturn in Scorpio, so his major life lesson is about learning to overcome obstacles of work and school to express and enjoy passion. It seems that he has not quite learned this lesson yet, as he is still making work a priority over love. The fact of the matter is that he has already become emotionally involved with you, and it’s not your fault that he’s unwilling to admit that at the moment. Why does he choose to refrain from acknowledging his feelings? He is a Sagittarius, the most freedom-loving sign of them all, and coupled with a Moon in Aquarius, will have a very challenging time maintaining a long-term relationship early in life (although this can get easier for him as he gets older). His birth chart explains part of the reason why he started limiting visits and creating a distance between you. Capricorn, your Sun sign, is prone to taking loyalty and duty quite seriously in all matters (including love relationships), so your reaction to his distance would likely be to try and get closer to him in an expectation that he should be just as devoted. However, for a Sagittarius with Moon in Aquarius, any resistance to his need for freedom would have made him create even more space between you.
Based on his chart, how is it apparent that he has these feelings for you? His Venus (love) sign is in Capricorn, which is your Sun sign. He’s destined to fall in love with Capricorns in this lifetime. Additionally, with your Jupiter, Neptune and Uranus in Sagittarius, you will feel very drawn to Sagittarians. Jupiter is the ruling planet of Sagittarius, so you will have a particular affinity for those born with that Sun sign. Their lightheartedness balances your more practical side.
The next part of your chart comparison may help to validate for you the deep connection that you feel. It is not just in your imagination. You have your North Node (Destiny Planet) in Gemini, which makes you a Past Life Sagittarius; you might have been a teacher, philosopher, writer, or perpetual student before. He has his North Node in Cancer, which makes him a Past Life Capricorn; perhaps he was a businessman, shopkeeper, or a member of the military personnel previous to this lifetime. When someone’s Past Life Destiny planet is in your Sun sign, they have unfinished business and karma to work out with you. This is doubly true when two people have each other’s Past Life Destiny Planets in your North Node, as you both do. It also means that you were very likely married to one another in a past life.
If you accept his offer of friendship now, he will eventually try to get involved again, but it won’t be on your terms. You will have more choices if you take back your own power in the situation by letting him know that he can contact you if he decides he is ready to have a committed relationship again, or that you will let him know when you are ready to be in touch again. You can tell him both of these things if you want. The truth is that even though you are well-matched in several ways, the timing is off because of where he is at in his life. In a way, you subconsciously may have been willing to sacrifice a little hiatus away from him if it meant you could eventually get what you wanted the most: his time. You’ve been able to let him know what your expectations are, and that you cannot continue unless he meets them. For now, he’s not quite ready to meet these expectations. He was charted as a potential long-term partner in your current lifetime, but what happened between the time he planned that with you before birth and once he got to the point of meeting you was largely his own choice. His original intention before this lifetime was to stay with you and work things out, but he has strayed from the path of being aligned with his highest spiritual purpose, which includes facing the challenge of providing consistency and reliability in relationships. His lack of willingness to follow through on a promise is part of why you’re left feeling confused as to his decision.
The interesting twist in all this is that once he realises you have gone from his life and he is ready to try again, you will have moved on and met an even better match, and the original boyfriend will really be challenged to either step up and compromise this time or lose out on you forever. He was meant to have some competition in this situation so that he wouldn’t take you for granted anymore and also so that you would open your mind to considering an additional option. Due to your Capricorn sense of loyalty, the only way you would allow yourself to date again would be if you were not dating this recent boyfriend for a little while. The Universe has cleared a space for you to improve this relationship so that when something does rekindle, you are given the attention that you deserve…not only by this previous boyfriend, but also with the new option you are about to encounter. No matter how rough it may feel at the moment, you will be happier in the end for this unexpected change. The Universe often does for us what we cannot do for ourselves, and that includes improving our lives in surprising ways. Sometimes man’s rejection is Nature’s protection. Know that there is a plan in the Universe for your relationships. This isn’t random chaos, and there is a higher purpose behind this series of events. You can ask for guidance at this time. One way to improve love relationships is to work on your relationship with the Divine through prayer. You can say something like, “Thank you for guiding me to the right partner.” This establishes a sense of trust between you and the Divine, and helps you to practise having trust in all relationships. A heightened sense of trust on your part is what might have been lacking in this recent relationship. Therefore, developing your faith is what is called for now; not only to improve future love relationships, but also to give yourself the gift of peace today.
Meanwhile, try getting some emotional detachment from this separation by reading Karen Casey’s Let Go Now: Embrace Detachment. Additionally, if you are having a hard time feeling well about this after a little while and find that you are suffering in a way that is disproportionate to the situation, try attending a CODA meeting to get ideas about how to maintain your emotional independence within a relationship. Meanwhile, keep this last thought in mind: part of his purpose in knowing you was to help you maintain your independence while you taught him about being dependable. You can use this situation as an opportunity to strengthen your sense of self, which will not only benefit you by giving you tools for how to create healthy boundaries in your career and relationships, but also serves as an inspiration to others who need help along the way as they struggle to attain their own sense of fulfilment and inner peace.
